


Gas Dance

by m00nagedreamer



Category: Arctic Monkeys, Miles Kane - Fandom, The Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Criminals, Crimes & Criminals, F/M, M/M, Underground Dueling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-08 03:28:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 26
Words: 13,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15234345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m00nagedreamer/pseuds/m00nagedreamer
Summary: Alex Turner wanted to leave his dark past and painful memories behind but they soon catch up with him and life is a dangerous rollercoaster all over again





	1. Serotonia

**Author's Note:**

> contains, slurs, mentions of graphic violence, drugs, weapons, abuse. reader's discretion is advised

Alex was lying on his couch, sleeping. Sleeping was probably not the right word though – he had just stayed where he passed out the night before. The stale smell of alcohol was still lingering in the air, the ashes of too many cigarettes spilled from the ashtray all over the carpet. Not that Alex would bother cleaning that up anytime soon. Not that he bothered doing anything.  
He just had no motivation to do anything, to interact with anyone, to change anything about his current situation. Not as in he was happy about his current situation but he just couldn’t get himself to _do something_.  
The sound of the neighbours’ smoke alarm caused him to jolt awake and fall off the couch, groaning. Alex pushed himself up, grabbed a cigarette and lit it before he hammered his fist against the wall his flat shared with the neighbours’ one and yelled at them to “fookin’ get their shit together for once”. He grumbled to himself as he went to the bathroom, casually smoking on his way there. He’d gotten rid of his own smoke alarm months ago for apparent reasons. He stubbed out the cig in the sink washed his face, eyeing his own face in the mirror. He had gotten much paler over the last couple of weeks, his cheek bones more prominent, his eyes colder, his hair messier. Alex sighed. He blamed it on the fact that he was supposed to stay alive. The man quickly washed his face before he could think about his appearance more. “I should probably shave,” he muttered to himself and sighed once again. What for though? Why should he care?  
Just half a year ago a life like the one he had now – if that could be considered a life – would have been utterly strange, even unrealistic for him. He had had it good – a prospect of a very well paid job he enjoyed without co-workers or other people getting on his nerves aside from a couple of… special… _clients_. Too bad it never came to be. Now he was constantly on the run. The flat was the only place he kept coming back to which was stupid enough of him, of that he was fully aware. He just didn’t care enough for his life to actually get on making a plan on surviving all the bullshit that was going on.  
Alex decided not to shave and took a quick shower. He hadn’t done so in days and it felt like stepping out into the spring weather after a long and harsh winter. He smoked another cigarette as he dried himself off and wrapped the towel around his waist, making his way to the tiny kitchen.  
There was a part of Alex that longed for him to be able to feel something genuine but he was numb. The effects of what his past had made him become. He didn’t find joy in going out, in dating, in masturbating. He didn’t even find joy in sex anymore. Alex closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the doorframe of the kitchen, his hair falling into his face. This lifelessness was just so damn tiring. There was only one person who could possibly make things right again but he knew he couldn’t ever be with that person again. Impossible. As much as he longed for it, he hated himself for it. He finally decided to get dressed, the ashes on the carpet catching his eye. He huffed and shook his head. Work for another day, wasn’t it?


	2. Mom

Alex picked up the book he had left somewhere in the mess on his desk last night. He couldn’t remember much but he always knew where he had put his books. He wondered what it must have been like for children to have their mothers read something to them. He had never met his own mother.  
By the time he had turned ten he had been fully convinced his mother leaving was either crime related or because of how she had already known how big of a disappointment he would be. To be fair, if she died because of drugs, Alex was still better off than she had been. From what he knew his father had been killed before Alex was even born. The people at the orphanage had refused to tell him anything about his mother though so there was nothing for him but assumptions.   
Alex was a smart dude, had always been very curious and thoughtful. Well, he sure as hell needed to be for the job he had aspired to have but never really got to. All thanks to love. Screw love.  
Alex thought of all those teenagers and young adults getting heartbroken for the first time, falling into their mothers’ arms for comfort, crying and having her care for them until they felt better. It made him so bitter. Where were his parents to support him in rough times? To watch him say his first word, take his first step, lose his first tooth, graduate, get into his first relationship, get heartbroken, get over it?  
Alex scoffed. No point in being mad about things he couldn’t change. Although that was more or less what his life had become. He knocked the stuff lying around off of the couch and flopped himself down, opening the book and continuing to read.   
There was just something about how he felt today that wouldn’t let him take in the words though. “Some sorta mind fog or summat,” he grumbled to himself, rolled his eyes and closed the book. He shouldn’t be thinking about his mother. He had told himself not to do that anymore because it only led to more unnecessary emotional stress. Yet here he was, struggling to fucking read because his thoughts were racing. Alex sighed and rubbed his temples. Suddenly he just… felt incredibly sad. Here he was, with almost every possibility to make something of his life, but wasting it away instead. Alex bit his lip and put the book away, this time carefully setting it on the small coffee table by his couch, the only piece of furniture he had always kept clean. Alex got up and starting tidying up the mess that was his flat. About two hours later, he felt way more at peace with himself. A clean environment helped you get to clean your mind. At least sometimes it did.


	3. My Name Is Human

Alex sighed realising he would have to leave the flat to get more tobacco soon. It was available for public purchase barely anywhere anymore. The prices at the places where you still could were outrageous so the black market was getting stronger, more competitive and more violent with every passing day. Alex knew it would be much less expensive and dangerous to quit smoking but trying it was exhausting – he had tried several times.  
He shoved his switchblade in his pocket and put his coat on. For a last time he assured himself what he was doing was the right thing, then he left his flat, carefully locking the door behind him and double checking whether it was *really* locked. The continuously rising number of break-ins and other crimes in the area had induced paranoia. Alex was trying so hard to stick with his attitude of not caring but it didn’t work very well anymore.  
The staircase was as Alex’s thoughts as he made his way to the street. He pulled his coat a little tighter (yet didn’t button it) and left the building, shivering – unsure whether it was because of the icy wind that embraced him or because of his gut feeling that told him to get his ass back to his flat asap. Alex was tempted to pull a cigarette from his pocket and smoke but it would get him the attention of everyone around him and he didn’t really want that – few people could afford such luxury in a legal way and once you got involved with the black market once, there was no way out of it. Make the deal or die.  
Alex crossed the street, trying his best not to spend any energy on watching the strangers. He knew he could get jumped and robbed at every moment but that was just daily life. That there were fucking machines all over the place didn’t really help with that.  
He reached the somewhat familiar alley in the dodgy part of town where the black market was mainly going on. Alex was careful to switch dealers regularly. Sometimes he had been forced to because they had been killed, kidnapped, dropped a dime on, smuggled out of the country or something the like.  
Alex would have almost screamed when somebody tapped his shoulder. He spun around and was faced by a man much taller than him, staring down at him with a grim facial expression. Something cold and metallic was resting against Alex’s ribs through his shirt, conveniently hidden by his coat. Before Alex could say anything, the man shushed him.  
“Ye know it’s a really bad idea to steal from us,” he growled, his stale breath stinging in Al’s eyes.  
The smaller man tried to get in control of his breathing. It had been a while since he had been threatened with a gun. “I swear I d-” He was interrupted.  
“Sure, ya didn’t, you fuck.” The man with the gun chuckled, letting the weapon wander a little further down before completely lowering it. Alex didn’t know how to respond anymore. What the hell was going on? He had just wanted to get his damn tobacco and now this?  
Somebody kicked Alex in the back of the knee, forcing him to the ground. He groaned and closed his eyes as his head hit the asphalt. His view was getting blurry and then got completely blocked by somebody pulling a bag made of fabric over his head. He was getting fucking kidnapped. That was what’s going on. He was getting kidnapped for something someone else did.  
“Yer own fault we’re goin’ to make ye regret,” the man from before laughed and pulled the trigger.


	4. Lydia

  
When Alex regained consciousness, he couldn't breathe. A line of bubbles escaped from his mouth. He was under water. Oh fuck no. Alex gasped in panic, getting more water into his lungs. He cursed internally and blinked, trying to gain a better understanding of where the fuck he was and how to get out of it. His hands and feet were tied to weights that lay at the bottom of the... swimming pool. Alex's struggle to stay the fuck alive outweighed his confusion. There was another rope around his chest holding him down. However, he seemed to be physically unharmed… How?  
The last thing he remembered was feeling a short and cold stinging in his neck and hearing the gunshot before everything went black. His ears were alright again by now so he must have been unconscious for a while. It must have been somebody else who had gotten shot or who getting shot at without getting hit as in a warning or something.  
Alex strained against the ropes, trying to reach his left wrist with his right hand. It took him longer than his mind could bear. He couldn't allow himself to freak out right now. He was running out of oxygen. Alex had fucked up once again but this time it wasn't his fault. His thoughts found themselves focused on the one person he wanted, he needed in his life. Even after all this time. Alex finally managed to loosen the rope around his left wrist and wiggled it free. Relief washed over him. _Don't get excited too early,_  he told himself and bit his lip as he attempted to free his right hand as well. The under water pressure was so tiring, Alex was tempted to just give up.  
 _Do it for..._ He couldn't get himself to say the name. He felt as though he was crying but of course he couldn't tell under water. His right hand was free. Alex felt his muscles getting weaker with every second as less oxygen reached both them and his brain.  
Now that both his hands were free, untying his feet should have been easy but he felt like it took him forever. He was still holding his breath, trying to save as much oxygen and energy as he could.  
Finally he got rid of the rope around his chest and let his body glide to the surface, coughing and choking like crazy. Alex looked around, searching for a way out. Very slowly he swam to the edge of the pool, resting his arms on it as he still caught his breath and tried to get the water out of his lungs. A couple of minutes later he was still both gasping for air and sobbing. Deep down he knew he deserved this for what he had done but it was indescribably terrifying none the less.  
He heard footsteps approach but was too weak to look for who it was, let alone hide or anything. “So you are Alex Turner,” a somewhat familiar voice said. Alex sensed the scent of expensive cologne and cigars in the air. Oh fuck. “Seems like you've been a bad boy, huh?”  
Alex raised his eyes eventually and a lump formed in his throat. Before him stood the most feared and most wanted man of the city – Jamie Cook.


	5. 23

“I’m not keen on making your little exercise seem like a sign of hostility, Turner,” he said and grinned. Alex would have almost scoffed but kept himself from doing so. “On the contrary, actually. You have proven stamina and determination which are really valuable traits, especially in a business like mine. _You mean terrorising the city by dropping a body somewhere every once in a while?_ Alex kept his mouth shut. “I am somebody who is against violence. Unlike you, I haven't touched a weapon in a very long time,” Cook continued. He waited for Alex to say something, his electric blue eyes watching his every move.  
Alex decided to choose his words very carefully. “Well, sir. Not touching a weapon himself... doesn't make an innocent man,” he mumbled, wondering if he had just made a huge mistake regardless.  
Cook laughed. “That is very true, my friend. I never claimed to be innocent. What I’m trying to say is...” He trailed off for a moment as though he was waiting again. A man whom Alex recognised as Cook's right hand O'Malley walked up to Cook and handed him a shiny Glock. “Thanks, darling,” Cook told O'Malley before he turned to Alex again. “What I'm trying to say is...” He cocked the gun. “I know how to use it. Don't make me.”  
Alex gulped. He thought back to when he ran away for the very first time to save his life. However, this time, he felt there was no running away anymore. Not without dying before reaching safety if such a thing even existed.  
“Lost in thought, I see,” Cook said in a friendly voice. Why was he being so nice when he intended to kill Alex? “If you think I mean to do you any harm, you are wrong.” He frowned. “As long as you don’t give me a reason to do so… you are going to be just fine.”  
Alex was starting to feel really sick. He would have almost asked the man looking down at him to just end it already but he refrained from doing so. Cook extended his arm as though he was waiting for Alex to take his hand and let Cook help get him out of the swimming pool.  
“I’m alreyt, thanks,” Alex said as polite as he could manage before he put all his remaining energy into getting up without looking a fish out of water. Ironic way of putting it, I know. Cook pulled his hand back and nodded slowly, smiling.  
Alex was trembling but he didn’t dare assume if it was because of who was standing next to him, the cold or the fact that he had just almost died and was still not safe. To be fair, when had he ever been truly safe? He knew he had fucked up. So many damn times. This time was different. He had to keep reminding himself of it… and try not to die.


	6. Fuck Me Up & For Billy

Alex stuffed the prepped syringe into his pocket. Sure in a nasty way but it would do the job. He didn’t want his days and weeks trying to get curare to be in vain. He wanted everything to go down without any complications. He knew curare was easy to detect but he knew some people who shared his fondness of poison plus he didn’t care much about getting caught. He didn’t care much about anything.  
When he reached the bar his target was supposed to be at, the tips of his fingers started to tingle. This was his first. He took a deep breath before entering the bar.  
The girl was sitting at a booth in the back, her head tilted slightly forward, making her dark brown hair fall into her eyes. She was wearing a short black leather skirt paired with loose white knitwear and leopard print boots.  
Alex cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair as he approached her. She raised her head slightly and her big greenish blue eyes met his brown ones. She smiled a little, biting her lip.  
 _What a shame tomorrow you won’t be smiling like that anymore,_ Alex thought to himself as he smiled back at her. He reached her booth and sat down. “Out all alone, beautiful?” he asked and she blushed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.  
“Yeah…” She was quiet for a moment. “Not that I don’t really have anyone to go out with, it’s just-” She trailed off and looked at the desk.  
Alex chuckled which earned him another smile. “No need to be ashamed, babeh. After all, I’m ‘ere now,” he responded and met the eyes of the target which were curiously eyeing him now. “Can I get ye anythin’? A martini?”  
She bit her lip and folded her hands, considering his words for a bit. “Actually… Why not?” She laughed and it was the most beautiful thing Alex had ever heard. His thought started racing. What if any moment he would blurt out “Actually… I’m ‘ere to kill you.”? Alex smiled and pushed himself up, quickly turning around and approaching the counter to hide how much his hands were shaking. His legs felt funny as well. _Goddamn,_ he internally said to himself. Why the fuck had he agreed to do this? Oh, right… because of the money.  
Alex got two martinis and went back to the target. _Do not see her as a person, see her as a job!_  his mind was yelling at him. Would this shit get easier over time?  
He carefully set the beverages down on the table. She mumbled a thank you and raised her glass. “To a wonderful night,” she said and smiled in a shy fashion.   
They toasted. “Cheers,” Alex answered. As she took a sip, he allowed himself to discreetly look her over. She was freaking gorgeous.  
The target must have had noticed his look or a change in his expression for she blushed once again and put her glass down. “Tell me about yourself. What’s your name? What do you do? What makes you sit down in a bar with a stranger and by her a drink?” She smiled.  
Alex waited for a couple of moments before he replied, poking the olive swimming around in his glass with the toothpick. “Y’know… I’m not sure anybodeh should pass up a chance to make somebodeh’s night better,” he explained and looked up from his glass, looking glances with the woman before him. He could tell she was holding her breath. “I’m not sure anybodeh should pass up a chance to offer a drink to someone as beautiful as ye are,” he added, causing the target to go beet red.  
“That…” She felt silent and chuckled. “Answers one of my questions.”  
Alex just smiled in response.  
“So you like being mysterious, handsome man?” she teased. Alex was melting at the sound of her voice, especially hearing her say that but he tried not to let it show.


	7. Chicago

Alex had only really stayed in the United States for _her_. After not doing his job that night, it was one of the stupidest things he could have possibly done but love had blinded him. Thus he had to pay and live with the consequences.

  
~flashback~

  
Alex opened his eyes again to look at the ceiling of the hotel room, smiling to himself as he took another drag of his cigarette. Sunlight was flooding the room, leaving everything in the room in an apricot tint due to the thin orange curtains.  
Alexa buried her head in his chest and he started running the fingers of his free hand through her hair. “You should stop that you know?” she mumbled and pouted causing Alex to laugh quietly.   
He turned away for a second to not blow the smoke in her face. “Ye’ve told me loads o’ things I should stop with,” he pointed out and looked at her again. Her pout was just so cute, he couldn’t help but smile broadly. Alexa rolled her eyes and he planted a kiss on her forehead. She wrapped one arm around his waist as she moved closer to him. Both of them wished for this moment to last forever.

  
~end of flashback~

  
After that, everything seemed to have happened in a blur and at half speed. From the masked men barging into the room and pointing their weapons at the young couple to Alexa screaming and grabbing Al’s own gun from the nightstand to…   
Alex didn’t want to remember. He had so badly tried to forget… but the more you try to forget something or someone, the more you will cause the opposite effect. Alexa had gotten shot that morning. In the abdomen. She would have almost died right there in that very hotel room if it hadn’t been for Alex carrying her outside, tears streaming steadily down his face, calling for help. The people that had come for them had been there to finish the job Alex couldn’t do himself. Kill Alexa. Alex was glad they failed as well, thanks to Alexa throwing herself at them, fighting them with the fury of a lioness.  
The worst thing for Alex had been that he couldn’t stay with her to wait for her to recover. He had known he would always put her in danger. So he had had to leave his first big love in a hospital in L.A. where she had fought for her life. After that he had never seen her again. He had never been in love with anyone again.  
Now he found himself in a pitch black room. No lights, no fresh air coming in. There was no particular smell either aside from dust. Alex was starving. He cautiously got to his feet and walked, both his arms extended forwards so that he wouldn’t run into a wall. Alex figured out the room was relatively small, also based on the echo. What the hell had he gotten himself into? Or better: what the hell had a misconception gotten him into?

 


	8. Mister Asylum

Alex woke up to the smell of cigarette smoke making his mouth water. When he opened his eyes he found a hint of light entering the room through a slit due to the door being slightly agape. Alex squinted and could sort of make out the silhouette of someone with medium length wavy hair and who hadn’t shaved in a couple of days.  
“O’Malley?” he croaked, just now realising how badly he needed water. The person continued smoking in silence for a couple of minutes. Alex didn’t dare say anything anymore.  
“He’s not as bad a person they make him out to be, y’know?” the person told Alex eventually, his deep voice sending shivers down Alex’s spine.  
He blinked, finding himself in the dark again. Alex slid down the wall with his back resting against it, eventually sitting on the floor, tears in his eyes. The position he was in couldn’t really be considered comfortable but his head was spinning and he had nothing but the walls to focus on to make it stop. Closing his eyes made the dizziness worse so he forced himself to open them again. He was just so tired…   
O’Malley was there again. How? He was humming a tune Alex knew but he couldn’t name it for the life of him. There was a high-pitched ringing in Alex’s ears, continuously getting louder and more distorted. Alex whimpered and shook his head quickly but he couldn’t get rid of it plus it made the nausea worse. What the hell had they given him? _You are going to die here._  
“He’s very professional about everything he does, with certain…” O’Malley trailed off, a hint of shyness in his voice. Why was he even talking to Alex? “Exceptions.” O’Malley cleared his throat. Alex was too worn out to respond or ask what the hell he meant by “exceptions”. “I recommend you don’t underestimate Cook. Don’t underestimate me either, you hear me? I’ll do whatever necessary and by that I truly mean anything.” His voice was somewhat menacing now and it made Alex shiver.  
He saw a light flicker from the corner of his eye and turned towards it. Darkness returned. Alex slowly raised his arms and started rubbing his temples. What the hell was going on with him? Was it the dehydration? The drugs not yet having lost their effect? The thought of losing his mind absolutely terrified him.  
O’Malley’s voice seemed to come from very far away. “I’m going to get you some water. Please don’t bash your head in while I’m gone.”


	9. Bath Salts

Alex didn’t know how much of what he was feeling was real. He didn’t know what was real. He had lost any track of time, didn’t know if it went on or backwards. What O’Malley has said to him wouldn’t leave his mind. Alex got up from where he was sitting, careful not to fall over, his joints complaining and his entire body aching. He let his fingers slide down the wall, leaning his forehead against it.  
Alex felt like he had lost everything that connected him to reality aside from his senses which seemed to be betraying him as well to be honest. Not having had access to clean water for – how long? Long anyway – his own smell was grossing him out.  
Bashing his head in sounded like a good idea to put an end to this but O’Malley had told him not to do that while he was away so Alex would have to wait till he got back. If he ever would.  
Alex chuckled quietly, the sound scaring him. He sat back down and ran his fingers through his hair which felt fucking nasty. He closed his eyes, waiting to pass out when suddenly-  
“You sure have made a mess in here, Turner,” Cook remarked and let out a whistle. “So this is what a wrong decision smells like.” He chuckled.  
Alex snorted. “What do ye expect after keepin’ me ‘ere for… how long? For no reason?” His voice was laced with bitterness and anger but he didn’t care.  
“Get up,” Cook commanded. “Now.” Alex slowly got to his feet. “Follow me.” Cook held the cell door open for Alex and he went after the criminal boss, squinting and whimpering at the blinding light in the hallway. He had trouble walking as well but neither Cook nor O’Malley who joined them now bothered helping him. O’Malley was carrying a gun but there was no way for Alex to reach it plus there was no way of knowing if he had other weapons on him or was trained in martial arts. Probably both.  
Alex cleared his throat. Cook didn’t turn around. “Why are ye still keepin’ me ‘ere? I ‘aven’t done anythin’ wrong,” Alex blurted out. He bit his lip. _Goddamn, Alex, get a grip!_  
They took a turn and eventually entered a terrace that seemed all too familiar to Alex. The swimming pool… Cook gave O’Malley a brief nod who then grabbed a bucket from next to the pool and poured ice cold water over Alex causing him to shriek. “The smell is awful,” Cook said and stared at Alex. “I’ll have some people clean up your room. You are going to take a hot shower and shave. Don’t say I’m treatin’ you badly.” He smiled.  
“Lockin’ me up in a fucking cell without light, water, anythin’? That’s what you call ‘not treating me badly’?” Alex was starting to get extremely angry. He had to be careful, get back in control of his sentiment but he couldn’t. The bottled up rage was getting the better of him.  
Cook laughed. “Humans are animals, too. I wanted to make sure you are aware of that,” he explained and O’Malley chuckled, inspecting the gun in his hand.  
“I’m going to kill you,” Alex hissed, instantly regretting it.  
Cook’s expression didn’t change a bit. O’Malley smiled at him briefly. “Good luck with that.”


	10. Viper Strike

~flashback~

“Hey, Turner! Look over here!” somebody yelled. Alex didn’t dare raise his head. He knew they would just throw stuff at him. “Hey, faggot! Didn’t you fucking hear me?” the voices grew louder and their laughter was echoing in his head.  
Alex sighed and looked up. “Just… leave me alone, alreyt?”  
They laughed even louder. “Did you guys hear that? _'Alreyt’_ Do all gays talk like that?” the leader of the group mocked and Alex closed his eyes for a second, trying to block them out. This orphanage wasn’t going to be any better than the last one he’d been put in.

~end of flashback~

Alex bit his lip as O’Malley and he walked into an expensive looking bathroom. “A shower is very much necessary,” O’Malley pointed out and wrinkled his nose. Alex just rolled his eyes in response. “Your arrogance won’t buy you any time or respect, Turner,” O’Malley said in a cold voice. “Now get in the damn shower.”  
Alex figured he had no right to ask for O’Malley to leave or turn around as he undressed and it made him uncomfortable but he had no choice. Not that he hadn’t experienced so much worse forms of humiliation before. Alex peeled his clothes off and stepped into the shower. O’Malley waited patiently.  
Alex took his time showering. Washing off all the dirt and filth was liberating. When he felt he was completely clean, he exited the shower and O’Malley handed him a towel and a razor.  
“There is no point in doing anything stupid. Cook doesn’t necessarily need you alive but if you consider _that_ regardless, go ahead. I won’t bother stopping you.” He ran his fingers through his hair and crossed his arms, leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom as Alex shaved. From the corner of the eye, he subtly looked O’Malley over. He was wearing black pants paired with a dark grey tight fitting shirt revealing how toned he was and a black leather jacket. As much as some of the things O’Malley said pissed Alex off and frightened him a little as well… he now thought to know exactly what was meant by ‘exceptions’.


	11. F.W.Y.T.

O’Malley gave Alex some clean clothes and he got dressed. “What now?” Alex asked, now more cautious about his tone.   
O’Malley pursed his lips. “You are going to go back to the cell for now,” he told him and Alex sighed. However, he noticed how the other man didn’t refer to it as Alex’s “room” like Cook had. O’Malley rolled his eyes. “You should be glad you’re alive.”  
Alex just raised his eyebrows in response. Cook’s right hand ignored it and held the door open for Alex to leave the room. He thought they were going to go back to the cell right away but O’Malley grabbed his right arm tightly, yanking him back before Alex could enter the hallway. Fuck, he was strong.  
He felt a stinging in his shoulder and turned to see what it was. A man he hadn’t seen before pulled the needle out and smiled at Alex. “You’re very welcome.”  
“Wh-” Before Alex could continue, he felt himself losing consciousness.  
Back in the cell, back in the dark. It was all clean again though.   
Alex closed his eyes. “I know Helders has a strange definition of a good deed but it’s not like you haven’t injected some strange things into your system back in the day and loved it, isn’t that right, Turner?” Cook asked and laughed, causing Alex's head to snap up. When did he get here?  
Alex bit his lip until it started bleeding. “What do you know about me?” he inquired, trying his best to stay calm. Cook’s mere presence was making him extremely nervous. He preferred talking to O’Malley but he didn’t seem to be around – Alex couldn’t tell due to the dark.  
When Cook was speaking again, Alex could hear him smile and felt his stare despite not seeing anything. A shiver ran down his spine. “Probably more than you’d like. Less than I’d like. O’Malley finds you interesting, y’know?” He paused for a second. “I’m not sure if that is thanks to whatever happened in the bathroom though.” Cook laughed out loud before he stopped abruptly and continued talking in a cold voice. “I’ll get you to talk, Turner. I’ll have you tell me all your dirty secrets. Let’s see how much of your sass is left when Helders and I are done with you.”


	12. The Breaking Point

Helders, as Alex had found out the name of the man who had drugged him in the hallway was, strapped Alex down on a chair. He had been brought to a different room, approximately the same size as the cell but with lights in it. “Do you realleh deem this necessary?”  
The man in front of him gave him a suggestive smile and bit his lip. “Not my problem you’re not into this,” he pointed out and Alex scoffed. Helders had dark slicked back hair, the sides of his head shaved. He was wearing an entirely black suit and dark brown rectangular glasses. His piercing blue eyes were watching Alex’s every move as though he was a painting or sculpture Helders had to write some paper about. Alex sighed. He was getting so damn tired of this.  
Alex strained against the ties, considering head-butting Helders. He decided against it. Helders clicked his tongue. “Oh, you dirty little boy. You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”  
Alex raised one eyebrow unsure whether Helders meant him or was actually talking to himself. Weird. Helders sat down in front of Alex and looked at him. “So… tell me about yourself… Turner, isn’t it?”  
Alex nodded, locking glances with Helders. “What am I supposed to say?”  
“Aw, don’t be such a party poofer. You know exactly what I want to hear. Do you always play hard to get?” Helders pouted and patted Alex’s knee. “I’ll get you to open up, don’t worry.”  
Alex was not sure he was comfortable with what his mind told him that could mean in Helders’ case from what he had found out about him so far. The latter got up and pushed the back of Alex’s chair, causing Alex to gasp as he fell to the ground together with the chair, his skull making an ugly noise as it hit the floor. Dizziness arose in him and he could feel he was bleeding. Alex could see Cook and O’Malley were entering the room together now.  
Helders looked down on Alex, pity in his eyes. “You want to say anything or do I have to make you?”  
Alex remained silent, stunned by shock. Helders shrugged and knelt down. “Okay then.”  
O’Malley approached them and handed Helders something but Alex couldn’t see what it was. Helders pressed a piece of fabric on his face and started pouring water of it. Oh no. He stopped after a while and Alex coughed, trying to turn his head away – he couldn’t escape Helders’ iron grip. “It would make both of us happier if you held still,” he pointed out as Alex gasped for air. He was drowning once again.  
Helders continued his procedure of switching between pouring water over Alex and then waiting for him to say something, knowing he wouldn’t. Alex could hear Cook chuckle a couple of times but he didn’t know if it was real or not.  
After some time, Helders took the fabric from Alex’s face and let out a long and disappointed sigh, kicking Alex’s chair. “That wasn’t fun.”  
Cook patted his shoulder. “When is it ever?”  
O’Malley untied Alex and took the chair away. Then all three of them exited the room.  
They left Alex there crying and catching his breath, curled up into a ball, wondering if all this would have happened if he had just kept his damn smoke alarm and quit smoking.


	13. Send Me An Angel

Alex wanted so badly to give into the darkness that was clouding his mind. In such a brief time he had lost so much, had gone through so much. Why? He was still crying, did so until there were no tears left to shed. It seemed like his past was never going to stop haunting him. If this all even _was_ about his past. He couldn’t give up though. He had to keep going. For _her_.  
The cell door was unlocked and opened, causing Alex to slowly raise his head from the floor. He squinted to stand the light coming in.  
O’Malley grabbed Alex’s arm and pulled him to his feet, wrapping an arm around his torso to prop him up. “Let’s go,” he mumbled before he went towards the exit, Alex struggling to keep up despite O’Malley holding him. “There is somebody who wants to meet you.”  
Alex was too weak to keep track of where they were going so he just followed O’Malley’s lead. When he suddenly let go of Alex he fell to the ground like a cut down tree. O’Malley cursed and helped Alex up again. “I thought you could walk on your own but I guess I was wrong,” he remarked, his annoyance very clearly shining through.  
Alex didn’t respond. “Ah, there he is!” Cook exclaimed and clapped his hands. Alex wasn’t sure if his excitement was staged. “Mr Kane, meet Mr Turner,” he introduced Alex to the man next to him who had Alex holding his breath. Mr Kane was slim but toned, had short brown hair and a piercing stare. He was wearing a loose leopard print shirt with a pair of aviator sunglasses dangling from the button row paired with tight white pants and a light brown belt. Kane noticed Alex’s look and slid his tongue out to moisten his lips before giving Alex a smile that made him feel even dizzier than he was already.  
“So that is the one who won’t say anything useful until he’s screaming, huh? I’ll get something out of this one. Don’t you worry, Jameh,” Kane said. First-name basis but not mutual. Interesting. Kane continued staring at Alex and it made something stir deep in the pit of his stomach that was somewhat familiar. He couldn’t put his finger on it though.  
Cook laughed. “I know I can rely on you. Don’t tell me what you did to him though or I might not sleep at night,” he joked and nudged Kane with his elbow who then laughed in response.  
Kane turned towards Alex again. Something about his expression had changed. Alex could see it in Kane’s eyes, almost hidden but still noticeable to him. Not mere pity… compassion and concern. Perhaps he wouldn’t die here after all…


	14. Look Alive, Stay Alive

“From my experience it’s easier to get people to talk when they’re relaxed,” Kane said to Alex. He had talked to Cook for a long time before the latter had agreed Kane could do to Alex what he wanted as long as Kane brought Alex back to Cook at some point including information. Or just the information. Thus Alex was sort of free now. He didn’t know what to make of Kane’s behaviour. The other man took a sip of his drink and looked at Alex, anticipating a reply.  
Alex bit his lip. His head was killing him. “Why should I trust you?” Alex asked.  
Kane laughed. “That’s a valid question. I guess getting you out of the mess you were in is a good argument but I might have just done that to get you to trust me when I’m really intending to fuck you over just like Cook, isn’t that so?”  
Alex looked at his glass. He knew Kane was right but he had no idea what to believe. “If you want to get me to become drunk and talkative, you won’t ‘ave any luck,” he told Kane who then smirked.  
“I’m not looking for any information. To be fairly honest, I don’t care about who you are and what you do,” he replied. Somehow, that last sentence hurt for Alex to hear. Kane lowered his voice. “Cook’s men are supervising me… _almost_ 24/7. Right now I have no choice but to play along.” Kane got up and grabbed Alex’s arm, dragging him along till they reached a pool table. “You up for this?” Kane raised his eyebrows and Alex shrugged. Why not? Couldn’t be worse than being locked up.


	15. Claudeland

“What’s your name?” Kane asked eventually, handing the cue to Alex.  
He hesitated to reply but then decided to do so. After all, Cook surely knew his first name already. Not that it was useful information anyway. “Alex. My name is Alex.”  
“That’s a nice name,” Kane pointed out. “I’m Miles and you can call me that if you want,” he added and Alex gave him a small smile. He quickly reminded himself not to trust Miles. It could all be fake. He tried to avoid Miles’ stare by looking at the pool table. “You play much pool as a kid or teen?”  
Alex considered the question, thinking of possible ways it could be linked to whatever the hell Cook wanted to find out about him. “No, not realleh,” he responded, focusing on the cue Miles was holding again now. Alex couldn’t help but glance at his hands which were delicate and soft-looking as though he got manicures often. Not somebody who did a lot of hard physical work.  
“You said you want Cook dead, didn’t ya?” Miles asked and Alex nodded slowly, unsure where this question had come from all of the sudden. Miles gave Alex a sympathetic smile. “I can see why. After all it was his predecessor who sent people after Alexa. Not that that was any of his fault though.”  
A lump was forming in Alex’s throat. He didn’t know whether to be angry or upset plus he didn’t really want to know how Miles knew about her. Another reason not to trust him. Miles stopped focusing on the pool table. “Sorry about that... Want another drink?”  
Alex would have almost said “I need one now.” but he just gave Miles a half-assed shrug. He led Alex back to the counter. “Let’s have some fun for once, alreyt? D’you like dancin’?” Miles asked, obviously trying to lift Alex’s spirits.  
Alex bit his lip. “Whatever you’re trying to do, stop,” he sighed. Miles remained silent. “I’m not in the mood to have a fucking party. I just want to go home and be left alone.”  
Miles looked at his hands. “Well, sadly that’s not how it works, honey.” He lowered his voice some more. “If I let you go on your own they won’t hesitate to shoot you out in the street.”  
“Why even keep me alive?” Alex asked.  
Miles raised his head and locked glances with him. “They are missing something very valuable and they want it back. Letting you go with me so that I let you go and you then end up trying to hide that valuable thing seems logical for them to do in order to get it back by keeping an eye on you, doesn’t it?” Miles reasoned. It made sense. Alex hadn’t even thought about that. Miles voice was very quiet now. “What they aren’t suspecting though is that I’m not anyone’s puppet.” He smiled broadly. “So… dancin’ and karaoke – what do you say?”


	16. Still High On Love

Alex couldn’t deny he was questioning Miles’ sincerity. He didn’t know whose side he was on. However, time became a blur as Miles and Alex had a couple more drinks. If Alex was honest with himself, he couldn’t deny he was enjoying himself more than he probably ever had when he wasn't on stimulants or drugs of similar kinds. Miles had a good singing voice. It went really well together with Alex's as well. That became apparent when Dance Me to the End of Love by Cohen came on as Alex and Miles were dancing with the other people in the bar. Miles’ voice was very different to Cohen’s but it still somehow went well with the song as Miles absentmindedly sang along, his eyes closed most of the time. Alex caught himself staring and smiling a little seeing Miles so lost in the music and quickly reminded himself to stop that. There was no reason for him to show sympathy towards Miles as long as he still knew so little about him and his motives.  
When he had asked Alex to sing karaoke with him, Alex had told Miles “I ain't no singer.” as a polite way of saying he found the idea strange. However, Miles had somehow managed to talk Alex into it eventually. First they sang Moonage Daydream together, a song they both loved. Their voices went together much better than Alex had expected. He couldn’t deny he was having fun.  
One of the bartenders came to them after the song. Alex was a little confused but he blamed the alcohol for the strange feeling in his stomach.   
“Someone requested a song. That alright with ya?” he asked, earning a shrug from Alex and a nod from Miles in response. A jazzy song started playing, its soft guitar and slow beat filling the room. Miles smiled broadly and Alex wasn't sure how to feel about it. There was no turning back now. Embarrassing himself in front of the guy who supposedly intended to save him from incarceration, torture and death was still better than enduring the latter.  
 _“For so long I have let you...”_ Miles dragged out the last note. He looked Alex in the eye as he continued singing. _“… be my butterfly lullaby…”_ He paused and moistened his lips with his tongue, not breaking eye contact with Alex. _“… your pulse my dream rhythm, your smile a thorn in my mind…_  
 _can't get you outta my system. I tried but I can't, tried but I can't, no.”_ He lowered his microphone, signalising that Alex should sing the next verse.  
The latter took a deep breath and decided to keep looking at Miles, he wasn’t sure why. _"Watch me come undone, beneath your silken hands… just for once all worries gone…”_ Alex averted his gaze for a second before letting his eyes meet Miles’ again. _“in the moonlight we shall dance, till the day is done.”_  
They sang the chorus together and it sent shivers down Alex’s spine. This felt so much better than Alex originally wanted to allow himself to feel being together with a stranger.  
 _“I'm so high on love, baby_  
 _I'd let you break me anytime,_  
 _oh, I'd let you break me all over again”_  
An instrumental part followed before Miles sang the next verse. _“You left like spring, your light taken way to soon… wanted to be your forever king, give you gifts that'd make one swoon… I would have granted any wish the moment they'd spill from your royal lips.”_  
Alex felt dizzy and he couldn’t put his finger on the reason. Something in the back of his head yelled at him for “not bloody seeing it” but he tried to ignore it.  
They repeated the chorus, singing together as though they had never done anything else. It baffled both Miles and Alex. However, Miles let himself be fascinated by Alex.  
 _“I'm so high on love, baby_  
 _I'd let you break me anytime,_  
 _oh, I'd let you break me all over again”_  
Miles gave Alex a small and mysterious smile that sent his mind spinning. _I’m too drunk for this. I wanted to stay in control now here I am,_ he thought to himself. _So stupid._  
Alex took another deep breath, letting it transform into a dramatic sigh that added to the atmosphere of the song. The other people in the bar were giving Miles and him mesmerised stares, focused on nothing but them.  
Now it was Alex’s turn for the last verse. He looked at the screen where the lyrics were showing up and bit his lip and waited for the bridge to end. He raised his microphone again. _“Now here I am still, chasing dreams perhaps so very wrong… I could never fulfil. Without you I have never felt strong…_  
 _at heart again.”_ Alex paused, making eye contact with Miles again. _“I gave you all of me.”_  
They stared at each other and time seemed to stand still as the instrumentals of the song were seeping from the speakers, wrapping themselves around everyone in the bar like a warm blanket, like one of those cotton candy clouds you have always wanted to touch as a kid.  
The chorus was repeated for a last time before the song was closed by an instrumental outro.  
 _“I'm still so high on love, baby_  
 _been wonderin' where you've gone, oh_  
 _tell me have I lost my way, finding it in you.”_  
Miles smiled broadly at Alex as they stopped singing and the people in the bar cheered despite the instrumentals not having stopped yet. 


	17. Postres

  
After singing that song, Alex allowed himself to have some more fun. He had almost forgotten about the danger he was in. The dancing and singing had pretty much wrecked his self-control. He was hoping Miles was the same because being extremely drunk whilst he wasn’t would have made Alex feel embarrassed thinking back to that night. However, despite the alcohol that damn night at the bar was going to become something Alex wouldn’t forget anytime soon. Even more so a memory he would try to cling to with his every fibre of his being.  
Miles was going to buy Alex and himself another round of shots when Alex suddenly put his hand on Miles’ shoulder. “Why are ya realleh all doin’ this?” he inquired, the question serious but his voice clearly showing the alcohol was making him ask him because he didn’t dare otherwise or rather he else wouldn’t have expected a truthful answer and thus refrained from asking at all. “How do ya benefit from this?” Alex motioned around drunkenly, growing afraid of his own behaviour and lack of self-control.  
Miles laughed out loud, throwing his head back. “Life’s too short to be a dick,” he replied, causing Alex to grin. He raised his glass and they toasted.  
“I’ll drink to that,” Alex said and they emptied their shots.  
Miles blinked for a couple of times, staring off into the void before he slowly turned his head back to face Alex again. “Plus findin’ out about what was goin’ on with ya… I felt sorreh. I’m not a fucken good Samaritan or summat but-” He laughed again. “I didn’t know I could bear ignorin’ it. Logical, innit?” he added and Alex nodded. He was about to respond when somebody gently touched Alex’s arm, causing him to spin around, making him even dizzier. When he saw who was in front of him he told himself he might well be hallucinating.  
“I requested the song you sang so wonderfully, y’know. Seems like you’re still as mysterious… Good to see you. It’s been a while, handsome man.”


	18. Little One

_“What’s wrong with mommy?”_ Nick could hear his younger self ask his dad that. He remembered how afraid he had been, how he was so worried about his mother.   
Nick closed his eyes and sighed. Helders approached him and handed him a beer. “Why so tense, O’Malley? Stress don’t pay the bills so chill, man,” he pointed out and nudged Nick in the side. “What’re ya thinkin’ about, huh?” Nick just shook his head and waved his pal off. “Instead o’ me you’d prefer Cook to comfort ya, eh?” Helders teased, earning a death glare from Nick who now let his thoughts wander back in time again.

  
**~flashback~**

  
His father groaned. “Oh, piss off,” he snarled and grabbed Nick by his shoulder, digging his fingers deep into it. Nick bit down on his lip to keep himself from whimpering. “You keep doin’ ya stupid shit, you’ll end up just like her,” he added and Nick felt a tear roll down his cheek.  
When he spoke, his voice was shaky. “But dad, music is what I l-”  
“I don’t frigging care if you love music and I certainly don’t care if it loves you back but honestly if it did there was at least one thing that’d stand your presence without bein’ grossed out,” his father interrupted him and more tears escaped Nick’s eyes. He glanced at his mother again who lay passed out on the sofa, bleeding from a wound at the back of her head.  
“Dad, mommy is hurt,” he mumbled, full on sobbing now.  
His father snorted. “It’s what the whore deserves.”

  
**~end of flashback~**

  
Nick dreaded the thought of his father being the killer of his mother but he knew it was the truth. He still sometimes blamed himself for not having stopped his father although he had been told so many times none of it had been his fault. Specifically Jamie had tried to reassure him so often, Nick had lost track.  
He had been so scared when he first met Jamie. Nick had tried picking his pockets. He chuckled quietly thinking about it.

  
**~flashback~**

  
Nick was so cold and hungry, he was growing frustrated. Ever since he had ran away, he had been doing worse with every day, every week. However, if he had had to choose again, he would always decide against his monster of a father. He squinted, trying to make out if the falling snow was playing tricks on him or if he was really seeing a small group of people in rather expensive-looking clothes at the other side of the street. Nick bit his lip. He had to try or he wouldn’t survive much longer.  
As they made their way down the street, he watched them and then discreetly followed them to do what he had had to do so many times in order to get to the next day. He had stopped feeling bad about stealing after a while. For a moment he considered taking his pocket knife out that seemed to grow heavier in his pocket with every step but he decided against it – of what use was it with a group of armed people. He knew he was about to do something incredibly stupid anyway but he was also desperate. Starving to death or getting shot? No big difference except he would prefer getting shot.  
Nick reached one of the men who wore a long black coat and a white scarf. He slowly slid his hand into the man’s pocket and was about to pull the wallet out when the man turned around and grabbed Nick’s wrist. Nick thought he was going to break into tears.  
The man just looked straight at him, his eyes not in any way showing signs of anger. The others in the group had stopped walking but they pretty much ignored Nick. They were waiting for the man Nick had tried to steal from – apparently the leader – to give them a sign. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” the man said calmly, tilting his head slightly to the side and watching Nick. “What’s your name?”  
Nick bit his lip, his heart pounding so fast he had thought it was audible to the others. “Nick… O’Malley.”  
The man nodded slowly and let go off Nick’s wrist. “So, O’Malley. How about you learn a thing or two about whose pockets to pick and whom to throw off the next bridge?” A smile crept on the man’s face.  
Nick felt like the words were stuck in his throat so he just nodded. “Alright. Come with then. My name’s Cook by the way.”

  
**~end of flashback~**


	19. Bloodfeather

“Alexa…” Alex breathed, not used anymore to tasting her name on his tongue. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her, couldn’t believe… “Miles, did you-”  
“- know she’d be here? No,” Miles replied in a quiet voice.  
Alexa put her hand on Alex’s cheek, sending shivers down his spine. “I have missed you so much, Al. It hurt,” she whispered as they looked into each other’s eyes.  
Alex was tearing up. “Alexa, I…” He fell silent. Miles didn’t say anything but lowered his head instead before looking around as though searching for somebody or something.  
Alexa smiled softly before taking Alex’s face in both hands and planting a kiss on his forehead. “I know why you left, my love. And I am grateful,” she told Alex and wiped the tears he hadn’t yet noticed were streaming down his face from his cheeks. “I understand. There is no need to apologize or feel sorry. I love you, Alex.”  
Alex’s head was spinning and not because of the alcohol. Alexa was right in front of him. Right there. So close to him. How? Why? “I-I…” he stuttered before trailing off again. Alexa hugged him and Alex could see how Miles was giving the both of them a worried look. Alexa slightly pulled away and Alex couldn’t help himself – he crashed his lips into hers. Oh, how he had missed this. Alexa smiled into the kiss and wrapped her arms around Alex’s waist as she slid her tongue into Alex’s mouth, deepening the kiss. They eventually broke apart and looked into each other’s eyes for some more seconds.  
“Are you going to introduce me to your friend here?” Alexa whispered and Alex glanced at Miles who was staring at the counter as though avoiding Alex and her. Alex felt a sting in his heart but decided not to pay more attention to it right now.  
“Alexa, this is Miles. He… knows what happened to you in L.A.,” Alex muttered and Miles turned to face him. There was a hint of pain in his eyes although he was smiling at Alexa warmly, taking her hand and kissing it.   
Alexa blushed and smiled back at him. For some reason, Alex was starting to feel really nervous. “Nice to meet you,” Alexa mumbled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She had not changed a bit.  
“What brings you ‘ere?” Alex asked, still in denial.  
Alexa laughed which made Alex’s heart jump. “What do you think, silly? You, of course.”  
A small part of Alex’s mind told him that wasn’t true.


	20. Lost

Miles cleared his throat and Alex pulled away from Alexa. “Why are you lying to me?” he asked in a dead serious voice and her face fell. Miles couldn't hide he was surprised by Alex's sudden change of tone as well.  
“Alex, what are you implying?” Alexa sounded genuinely sad. Alex was getting angry. “I- I thought...” She trailed off and shook her head slowly before turning it away for a second.   
Alex sighed and took her hand. “I'm sorry. I dunno what hit me,” he mumbled apologetically. All these feelings washing over him at once were overwhelming. Alexa bit her lip.  
Miles cleared his throat again and Alex looked at him. “I'm pretty sure they're gone and I don't know why. We should stay alert,” he explained and Alex nodded. Alexa gave them a both confused and worried look but decided not to say anything. “We'll wait for some more time. I'll have a look around just to be safe.” Kane got up and gave them a signal with his hand as though he was excusing himself to go use the restroom.  
Alex was growing nervous unlike he had used to be back in the day whenever Alexa was around. This was just so different and so strange and so surreal. “How have you spent the last year?” Alexa said.  
Alex clenched his jaw and stared at the counter. “Done nothin’ worth mentionin’,” he mumbled. Alexa took his hand in hers and he raised his head. “I haven’t been with anyone if that’s what ya askin’,” he added in a slightly disgruntled tone. “What about you?”  
Alexa shook her head and sighed quietly. “I-I’ve got to tell you something, Alex,” she began and ran her fingers through her hair. Alex could see her hand was shaky. “Doing this, I am… I am giving them what they want.” Her voice was trembling. Alex was about to ask her what this was about but she stopped him by tracing his jawbone with her index finger and resting it on his lips to keep him from talking. “They knew I wouldn’t be able to hide forever so I figured-”  
Alex finally interrupted her, now both severely confused and scared. “What are you talking about?”  
Alexa sniffed. “After L.A., I did my best to hide, get a new identity, new life but they kept getting too close. I’m… I’m tired, Alex.” He took her in his arms and allowed himself to cry. “I wanted to say goodbye. I don’t want you to have a life like I’ve had. I- … I want you to…” She trailed off. “Do what they tell you to. It’s so much easier and less painful to obey. Please don’t lose yourself doing so.” Alexa gave Alex a long and deep kiss. “I love you, Alex. I’m so sorry. I wish it didn’t have to be this way.”  
He could still feel the taste of her lips linger on his. “Alexa, tell me what’s going on. Please,” Alex demanded. Alexa pulled away and shook her head, mouthing another “I’m sorry.”  
Alex was too confused and shocked to get up from his stool to follow her. From the corner of his eye he could see Miles quickly approach. Then he passed out.


	21. Vanity

Alex regained consciousness filled with rage. He just wanted to punch something, to beat someone up (mostly himself). He was back in a goddamn cell and felt like he was going to explode. This one was different to the last one though. There was a bright light on the ceiling that burned in Alex’s eyes, a surveillance camera in one of the corners beneath it. Alex started pacing in the room. He was just so goddamn angry and frustrated, he didn’t know how to cope in a healthy way.  
“Let me the fuck outta here!” he screamed at the camera. “I need to talk to her! _Now!_ "  
A quiet chuckle escaped a speaker next to the camera that Alex hadn’t noticed yet. Cook’s voice. “Y’know you are in no position to make any demands?” he asked.  
“GO FUCK YOURSELF, YOU SASSY ARSEHOLE! I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YA BULLSHIT!” was Alex’s response which was followed by a couple of seconds of silence. Alex took a deep breath. “Let me out of here. I haven’t done anything wrong,” he hissed between gritted teeth.  
Alex could hear Cook smile when he spoke again. “Of that you have been so damn sure the entire time. Do you even know yourself, Turner?”  
Alex swallowed, trying to form rational thoughts as the rage was clouding his mind. This was too much. It was all getting too much. “Okay…” he breathed. “Who was it that set me up? That is the only question I’m going to ask.”  
Cook laughed and so did Helders who was apparently listening and watching as well. O’Malley was certainly there as well but remained silent. “It wasn’t the girl you keep talking about… especially in your sleep… at least not directly,” Helders said and giggled. Alex bit down on his lip. _Miles then. Knew it,_ he thought to himself, disappointment and bitterness welling up inside him. “… nor was it Kane. He isn’t really involved at all,” Cook added. “No one set you up except yourself. Did ya really expect just walking outta here could work in a way positive for you? To you walking free was like the thirst with a drought going on. It made you courageous and apparently it did so to the little butterfly as well. That was the goal.” He laughed.  
“Where is she?” Alex asked, balling his fists and digging his fingernails into his palms as he slowly sat down on the ground. Plus where the heck was Miles?  
“Tsk tsk. One question you said. However, since I’m so polite I’m going to tell you. She’s here with me and right now she’s thinking of how the hell she could possibly get you outta here. Poor thing.” Alex could hear Alexa whimper. Somebody must have grabbed her arm or something. “The thing is: you’ll both get outta here…” Cook paused for a second to smile grimly. “But not as yourselves.”


	22. One Day The Sun Will Explode

_There was blood all over Alex. The smell stung in his nose, made his stomach turn. If only there was something he could feel. Feel anything at all except for the cold creeping into his heart. His tears wouldn’t wash the blood from his face. He was too weak to cry out. Everything he had considered keeping him alive was draining from his vessel._

  
**~five hours earlier~**

  
Alex jolted awake to the sound of the cell door opening. He must have had dozed off again. His head was killing him. O’Malley entered. “It’s time, Turner,” he told Alex. “Let’s go.” There was a hint of sadness in O’Malley’s voice that Alex couldn’t explain.  
“It’s time for what?” Alex asked cautiously, assuming getting an answer from O’Malley was more likely than in Cook’s or Helders’ case.  
“Payment,” O’Malley replied and pursed his lips. He grabbed Alex’s arm and pulled him to his feet before leading him outside. In the hallway they were joined by Alexa and Helders. Alexa looked at Alex wide-eyed. “Don’t even think about talking to one another,” he warned.  
They left the building where a car was waiting. Alex could hear O’Malley drawing his gun but before he could turn around the butt of the gun hit the back of his head and everything went black.  
Alex found himself in the backseat of the car, Alexa next to him. Both of them had been tied up at their wrists but not at their ankles as Alex noticed to his confusion. Helders’ was in the driver’s seat, other than that the car seemed to be empty. The car stopped and Helders got out, leading both Alex and Alexa outside as well. “Kneel down. Both of ya,” he commanded and grinned ever so slightly.  
They did as they were told. Now it dawned on Alex what this was going to be. A fucking execution. They were of no use to Cook anymore so they had to be “taken care of”. “Close your eyes,” Helders said. “I’ll see if you don’t.”  
Alex gulped and exchanged one last glance with Alexa who was giving him an apologetic look before closing his eyes. He could hear Helders cock his gun. Then there was silence. Aiming. Alex’s heart was beating faster than it probably ever had before. So this was it then?  
As soon as the gunshot sliced the air, Alex opened his eyes.  
Alexa gasped after the information that the bullet had hit her just below her left collarbone had been spread throughout her brain. She seemed to be sinking to the ground in slow motion, like a falling angel.  
“NO!” Alex yelled, now getting to his feet and running after Helders who was not prepared, too lost in thought about how the hell he could have missed such a shot. Perhaps he had just wanted Alexa to die in a slower and more painful way.  
Alex jumped the taller or burlier man, not caring about him still being armed. Alex started hitting Helders with all the might his still tied allowed him, tears of anger spilling from his eyes. Alex managed to kick Helders’ gun away, causing him to panic. Unlike O’Malley, Helders had never been trained for one on one combat since he only ever had to do the real dirty jobs that never got to the point where the target could really resist. That was what his opponent had to make use of now.  
Alex tried to dodge when Helders swung his fist at him but still got hit in the cheek which immediately went numb. He let out a groan and started scratching at Helders’ face. They fell to the ground still fighting, Alex wrapping the ties around Helders’ throat, pulling him as he basically knelt on Helders’ back. Helders tried stopping him by reaching for his face and eyes but it was too late. The grief and anger made Alex so much stronger. Helders stopped moving eventually, his limbs twitching ever so slightly. Alex felt sick at the sight of Helders’ swollen dark blue tongue and empty eyes. He felt sick at the sight of what he had had to do.  
Crawling back to Alexa, he was crying. He pressed his hands onto the wound. She was losing a lot of blood and that at a terrifying speed. “I-I’m going to get you out of here. Just like in L.A.,” he stuttered in between sobs. She was on the verge of losing consciousness and there was no way for Alex to call for help or to stop the bleeding anytime soon. Alex kissed her softly. “I love you, baby. You’re the only one I have ever loved. Please don’t leave me.”  
Alexa’s eyelids were fluttering. “It’s too late for me, my love. But not for you,” she breathed, her voice weak. She slowly raised her right arm and cupped Alex’s cheek. “Please, Alex… Watch out for yourself… I won’t be here to-”  
“Alexa, no.” Alex was a crying mess. The bleeding still wouldn’t fucking stop.  
Alexa closed her eyes. “I love you.” She exhaled for a last time.


	23. Guess What

  
Miles felt as though his blood was boiling. He knew his emotions were clouding his senses but he couldn’t help it. “You used me,” he said, trying to stay calm. He was sitting with his back to the wall of a cell, both his hands and ankles tied up. Miles had been nothing but a tool for Cook, a tiny link in a chain that was a nasty plan. A plan that ended with Cook being free of any possible threats.  
Cook who was standing leaned on the wall opposite to Miles laughed. “Well, what did you expect, darling?” He slowly rolled up his sleeves. “You feel for Turner, don’t ya? I can see it in your eyes,” he added and smiled as he wet his lips.  
Miles clenched his jaw. “Don’t be ridiculous, Cook,” he replied and Cook raised his eyebrows in response. They were silent for a couple of moments. “You think you’re real smart, eh?” Miles scoffed and shook his head. The clouds in his mind were slowly disappearing and making space for rational thoughts. The anger stayed but it wasn’t making him dizzy anymore. “You have no fucking idea who you are dealing with.”  
Cook crossed his arms. “Is that so? I know all the files there are about you and your dirty jobs by heart.”  
He couldn’t hide he was slightly startled when Miles started laughing out loud. “If Alexa gets hurt in any way her people are going to turn you inside out, you aware of that?”  
Cook tried to act relaxed and smooth as ever but Miles could see him swallow hard. “What exactly are you talking about? I think the heat might have gotten to your head. Or the fact that your lover boy is watching flowers grow from a couple of feet below.” He chuckled. Miles had to bite down on his lip very hard to not scream at Cook.  
“I’m not interested in Alex,” he breathed.   
Cook gave him a cheeky grin as soon as Alex’s first name left Miles’ mouth and shook his head. “Sure. You should have seen the way you looked at him. Gosh, you are a horrible actor.” He paused and chuckled. “Now… enlighten me.”  
“I thought you would have looked into your predecessor’s story but apparently you were way too busy living your best luxurious life.” Miles smiled confidently and slowly got to his feet. Cook’s arms fell and he watching in silence and confusion as Miles made his way to him bit by bit which probably looked ridiculous but Miles didn’t care. He stared straight into Cook’s deep blue eyes before grabbing his collar and crashing his lips into Cook’s. The criminal boss pushed him away, his lower lip bleeding where Miles had just bitten him. His face was a mask of terror and fear, the façade now gone. Miles laughed quietly. “Go ahead and have all the fun with me you want. You are a dead man regardless, Cook.”


	24. Wolf

_Alex’s head was resting against the backseat window of the car. His eyes were closed – he was sleeping but it was in no way peaceful. Alexa’s blood was still all over him and her dying was the only thing he saw on a loop. The look on her face when she fell, the way the light left her eyes when she took her last breath… Alex couldn’t bear it. He just wished it had been him not her._

  
**~four hours earlier~**

  
Nick was pacing. “Where the fuck is Helders?” he asked, talking to himself. Jamie crossed his arms behind his head as he watched Nick. The latter now stopped walking. “How can you be so relaxed about this, Jamie? Would you be just as calm if it was me who didn’t report back in time?” Nick’s voice was laced with anger and worry.  
Jamie sighed and patted the space in bed next to him, asking Nick to sit down as well. Nick ignored the gesture. “Of course not, love. I trust Helders. I bet he’s still cleaning everything up, erasing all the traces before he comes back here. He’s a thorough dude but not a very organised one. Give him some more time,” Jamie said reassuringly. Nick considered this for a couple of seconds before he shook his head and left the room. “Where do you think you’re going?” Jamie suddenly asked in an ice cold voice.  
“I’ve had enough of this bullshit,” Nick responded and shut the door behind him. Jamie’s behaviour was starting to terrify him. Up to that point he had condoned that dark and evil side of Jamie because of how good Jamie had treated him.  
The criminal boss had gotten up and followed Nick. “You can’t leave,” Jamie told him and grabbed Nick’s arm. “Please.”  
Nick looked him in the eye. “I feel like I don’t know you anymore,” he mumbled. Jamie stared back at him in silence. Nick took him in his arms. “I’m sorry, Jamie.” He pressed down hard on Jamie’s carotid artery until the amount of oxygen reaching Jamie’s brain through his blood was interrupted long enough for him to pass out. Jamie collapsed in Nick’s arms and just now Nick noticed he was crying.  
He searched all the rooms for Kane and found him eventually. He looked up at Nick. “That you show up without Cook around could mean they’ve already gotten him. If that’s the case: sorry for your loss,” Kane told Nick before raising his head and looking at him.  
“What do you mean?” Nick asked, his voice trembling.  
Kane laughed without humour. “Ever wondered who ran this… _business_ before Jamie?”

  
**~flashback~**

  
“I want her out of my way. That megalomaniac bitch is just like her mother.”  
Miles bit his lip. “I’m very sorry, sir, but I have to decline. She’s your daughter. I cannot be responsible for that.” He wondered if that move had been too bold but his boss’ expression quickly made him relax. He understood.  
Mr. Chung nodded. “Fine, then. I’ll find someone else. Somebody young and without much experience should do. They wouldn’t be missed if anything goes wrong,” he pointed out. “Alright, Kane. I’ll take care of it. You’re dismissed.”

  
**~end of flashback~**

  
Nick wet his lips and furrowed his brow. “You’re telling me that… Alexa’s father sent Turner to kill her and when he failed her father kept trying?”  
Kane smiled. “What he didn’t know was that she had then gathered a group of people that would protect her at all cost. That’s how my former employer lost his life. The same fate Jamie awaits.”  
Nick gulped. Alexa and Turner were likely to be dead so soon Jamie would probably be, too.  
“It’s dawning on ya, innit?” Kane asked. “Now how loyal are you?” They were both silent for a while. “Will you help me get Alex and Alexa? Please?”  
Nick felt like he was about to have a breakdown. This could cost him his life. On the other hand, all the times he had looked away when others were suffering because of Jamie? Something he’d never be able to forgive himself for. Now was his chance to finally make something right. “We need to hurry.” He cut the ties around Kane’s hands and they quickly made their way to the exit. They passed Jamie who was still unconscious on the way outside. Kane gave him a brief surprised look before he kept walking.  
“I heard Jamie talk to Helders about where he was supposed to take them… Not sure he told the truth…” Nick trailed off. They got into Nick’s car.  
Kane nodded and adjusted his seatbelt. “We’ve got to try.”


	25. Smile On

Alexa had died then and there but they had rushed her to a hospital regardless in case there was any chance at all to save her. It was what Alex would have wanted. Nick had done CPR on her in the backseat as Miles had been driving as fast as he could. Alex had been passed out. It was too late. There was nothing they could do for her. Helders’ body they had burned.  
When Alex regained consciousness, his look empty, eyes dull. He wouldn’t speak and Miles wasn’t sure if he simply refused to or if it was because of Alexa. He thought the latter was more likely though.  
Nick pursed his lips as he looked at Alex. Miles was still taking care of all the paperwork. When he eventually came back Nick raised his head and faced him. “They’ll come looking for her, won’t they?” he asked Miles who then nodded in response. “And they’ll assume I’m still working for Jamie and kill me…”  
Miles sighed. “I can’t make that decision for you but I’d advise you to leave Jamie behind. I could… I could try to help you convince them you’re not on Jamie’s side.”  
Nick’s eyes met Miles’. “Am I not?” He bit his lip. “I’m not sure anymore.”  
“You did the right thing helping me. I won’t forget that,” Miles mumbled but it didn’t erase any of Nick’s confusion. Alex was just staring into the void. Miles gently touched his arm. We’ll have someone take care of you, alright?” Miles got out of the car and opened the door for Alex before basically dragging him outside. The people around stared at Alex in pure terror for he was still drenched in blood despite it not being his. “I need help, quick! I have an emergency here,” Miles called out but nurses were already on their way to them. They took Alex away and it filled Miles with fear. He couldn’t really tell why. Miles hadn’t noticed that Nick had followed him inside.  
The time they spent sitting in the waiting seemed to never pass. Miles was growing impatient and nervous and worried. Nick rested his hand on Miles’ shoulder. He tried not to let show how much he was freaking out on the inside at the thought that either Jamie or Alexa’s people could show up at any moment to kill him.  
“You need a fresh start,” he pointed out and took a deep breath. “To try to forget this all.” Perhaps he was also talking to himself a little. Part of him had accepted he would have to stand up for siding with a monster. Part of him was scared and shaken by heartache.  
Miles laughed without humour. “Don’t we all?”

 


	26. Home

**~one year later~**

  
Nick had fled the country and moved to Paraguay. He contacted Miles and Alex in encrypted messages every once in a while, talking about how he was thankful for their help and how he was better off now. He didn’t tell Miles how his broken heart and feelings of guilt were killing him… Trying to reassure himself it was the right way to go was all he could do.  
Miles wished he could say the same about his and Alex’s state. Well, predominantly Alex’s state. He had quit being silent after a couple of weeks but the trauma of the love of his life dying in his arms was ingrained deep into his mind. They had started writing music together and publishing it. The response was overwhelmingly positive. The Last Shadow Puppets they called themselves. They lived together in an apartment in LA. Miles and Alex hadn’t heard of Jamie so they assumed that he had either gone underground or been killed.  
Miles did everything he could for Alex to make living with the pain of loss that still weighed so heavily on him easier. Alex refused to see a therapist though, refused to let go. Miles was growing frustrated about it. He loved Alex so he would keep trying to help him in any way possible. He couldn’t bring Alexa back. Alex had started drinking a lot to try drowning his sorrow but it was damaging him more than healing. Miles had begged him to stop but Alex would rarely stop unless Miles’ frustration reached the point where he started crying.  
“I’m sorry, Mi,” Alex always said then, as though it would make any difference. As though it would change anything about what had all been brought up again. About how his past that he had really wanted to just leave behind, sure of the fact that it was less painful not to know what had happened to Alexa after he left her in LA, got flung back at him with such a horrendous outcome. And all of that because instead of quitting, he had removed his damn smoke alarm.


End file.
